New comic book Wednesday has come and gone. The dust at your local comic shop has settled. An eerie silence descends as you finish reading your last superhero book of the week. Now it's time for something a little more sinister. Welcome to Bagged and Boarded: comic reviews of the sick, spooky, twisted and terrifying!

The Crow: Death and Rebirth

I reviewed a single issue in this comic series all the way back in August, but this week marked the release of the entire short run in one place, and it's worth looking at again. This is a new take on the classic Crow franchise, where the black-and-white vengeful spirit gets revenge on those who wronged him. This time, it takes place in a near-future Japan, and a technology corporation has found a way to push people's souls out of their bodies. Our main character, Jamie, sets out as the Crow on a mission of revenge after he loses his life and his fiance's soul gets the old heave-ho.

Bag it or board it up? I really like this series. It's got a great new setting for The Crow franchise, and it jives well with the staples of the original comics, films, and various other media. It's hyper-active, gory, buzzing with neons amidst darker hues, and dripping with atmosphere. The story is an interesting take on the tale, and hardcore The Crow fans will definitely want to take note and check this out.

Emily and the Strangers No. 2

Now that everyone's favorite kindergarten goth won a magical guitar, she has to form a band with other kids her age. There's the rigid, classically trained pianist playing guitar, there's the punk-lover making noise, there's the classical jazz enthusiast, Emily on the magic guitar, and a robot playing drums. Should sound perfect, right? What could possibly go wrong?

Bag it or board it up? Emily and the Strangers may have a simple plot for adults, but this really is an awesome comic for your kid who's growing up in a horror household. She's moody, bossy, bratty, and will (probably) learn a meaningful message about listening to others and working in a team by the end of this comic run. The artwork is sweet and spooky, the concept of teamwork is strong, and all in all no one gives a better message to freaky kids than Emily Strange. If you have little monsters at home, pick these comics up for them.

Buddy Cops

Okay, here goes… A space cop with a jetpack and a laser sword became thoroughly alcoholic and was demoted down to the NYPD. There he's teamed up with an uptight android from the 1970's, designed to uphold the law to its most finite detail. The space cop, Uranus, is still a drunk. The android, T.A.Z.E.R., is still uptight. They fight giant monsters in New York City. It is, generally speaking, totally insane.

Bag it or board it up? This comic is bananas. It is frenetic, juvenile, pop-culture obsessed, and… kind of awesome. Uranus is a wild man, unsheathing his laser sword while blasting off into the face of giant monsters. He also quotes Wu-Tang Clan and pesters his robotic partner (asking him if he's attracted to toasters). This one shot is crazy, and may not be for everyone, but it's pretty funny and it seems like a miracle that it ever got printed. Check it out.

The New Ghostbusters No. 2

With the "Real" Ghostbusters (Ray, Egon, Winston, and Peter) trapped in Limbo, it's up to Janine and three new, young upstarts to serve as acting Ghostbusters. In this issue, they come across the ghost of a Central Park serial killer, who hopes to kill again on the anniversary of his original attacks. We also see Egon and Co. try to escape from Limbo as the new Ghostbusters have to deal with new uniforms, government bureaucracy, and… of course… a nasty ghost.

Bag it or board it up? I love that this fun, lighthearted comic has such strong, awesome female characters in it. After wearing the skimpy uniforms given to them by the government the girls of the team show their government official how cut and scraped their legs are, and call out the sexism in sexy costumes! What a cool, unexpected bit of progressive writing. The actual ghost busting in this episode is light, but they're setting the stage. I'll be checking back in with this series for sure.

Cult Episode 104
“Get With the Program”
Written By: Craig Gore & Tim Walsh
Directed By: Rob Hardy
Original Airdate: 15 March 2013

In This Episode...

A woman reaches out to Jeff in a “Cult” chat room. Her husband disappeared under similar circumstances as Nate, and she wants to meet and work together. Skye joins Jeff at the cafe to wait for the mystery woman. Skye thinks this is a bad idea, especially because of a suspicious man watching them. He makes a move to them, but quickly reveals himself to be no threat. This is Terrence, a man who finds and rescues loved ones from cults. Jeff’s mystery date, Anya, hired him to find her husband, Romy. When Terrence deems that Jeff is not a True Believer, Anya joins the conversation. She has Romy’s notebook, exactly like Nate’s, and Skye finds the same mystery CD in it. Anya played the disc in her work computer, which means it didn’t get any of her personal information and didn’t self destruct.

The foursome go back to Nate’s place and meet up with EJ, who sets about cracking the code on the CD. She discovers an IP address hidden deep in the code that leads them to a hacker flophouse. Skye, Jeff, and Terrence take this leg of the journey, but the moment they enter, the hacker kids busy themselves clearing out. Jeff zeroes in on one kid, Shawn, with a “Cult” tattoo. A scuffle breaks out as the kids run. Shawn runs too - Terrence shoots him. It’s okay though - it was with rock salt or something, so he isn’t injured. Terrence kidnaps Shawn and Jeff goes with, against Skye’s protests.

Terrence, Shawn, Jeff, Skye, and Anya end up in a motel room. Skye waits outside while Jeff helps Terrence shoot Shawn up with truth serum - Skye wants no part in this. Most of what they get out of Shawn is nonsense: he keeps rambling about “under the tree” and “the ranch.” Skye puts it together: he is referring to a large tree on Billy Grimm’s farm - the location they shoot at is called Guthrie Ranch. (This is all blatantly based on Charlie Manson and his family. They famously lived on Spahn Ranch, a Los Angeles ranch that had been used to film westerns before falling into disrepair.) Terrence, Jeff, and Skye head out to the location. They find the tree and are totally befuddled. Terrence nearly trips over a deep divot (one that Skye tripped on at the top of the episode) and still they have no clues. Jeff recognizes it as a pipeline to a septic system. Still nothing. He tells a story of how, as a child, he used to play in abandoned septic tanks. Finally everyone is on the same page. They find a trapdoor, head inside, and find a gallery of photos, all taken in the septic tank. Many have an X drawn through them. Nate’s picture is up, with no X. They move through the tunnels and finally find Romy. Romy doesn’t want to go - this is “his last one.” He has a UV glowstick on him and once the group turns off their flashlights, they discover that every inch of the tank is covered in confused scrawlings, symbols, and codes. Skye hears cars above and they race out of the tank. Jeff wants to grab a peek at the intruders, but Skye convinces him to leave. When Skye returns to the ranch the next day for a shoot (she still, shockingly, has a job) she goes back to the trap door - and finds it has been cemented over.

Skye and Jeff decide that Nate, Romy, and all the other missing fans have been reading the clues in the show. When they solve the clues they can contact the True Believers, then they must go through an initiation to be part of these True Believers.

Dig It or Bury It?

I want to like Cult; I really do. But they thwart me at every turn. Tonight, that moment really hit when Jeff, Skye, and Terrence are at the ranch. It took way too long for them to arrive at the conclusion to look underground. It didn’t help that Skye tripped over that hole in the first few minutes of the episode, but even when the arrived, I was literally yelling, I was so frustrated. 

Also, as the show progresses, there seems to be less connection between “Cult” and the events happening to the “Cult” followers. The first episode or two made a big deal out of the phrase “Well, hey, these things just snap off.” Now? Nothing. 

Life Imitates Art

Interestingly, “Cult” had very little to do with what was happening in the show Cult. We do learn that Billy Grimm had a son, Michael, who died young and is buried under the tree. A professor is kidnapped and brought to Billy’s farm. He is writing Billy’s unauthorized biography, and Billy is mad that there is no mention of Michael anywhere in the manuscript he somehow obtained. For Billy, everything he does is for family, and he is furious that the professor ignores this. In order to get the professor to listen to him, Billy nails his hands to the table. He then makes less-than-veiled threats towards the professor’s family. When Kelly comes by the compound (on what I assume is her daily “I will expose you” visit) she begs the professor to sell out Billy. He won’t.

Prophecies?

Jeff and Skye attend a “Cult” fan party dressed as Billy and Kelly. What could possibly go wrong?

Grimm Episode 214
“Natural Born Wesen”
Written By: Thomas Ian Griffith & Mary Page Keller
Directed By: Michael Watkins
Original Airdate: 15 March 2013

In This Episode...

When Nick comes out of his brief coma, there is still one more step in the cure: Renard and Juliette must drink a potion that includes a few drops of Nick’s blood. They take it - nothing happens. Juliette goes home.

Hank and Nick answer a call about a bank robbery. Monroe was there when it happened and he is relieved to see them. The robbers were all Wesen and they had their game faces on. This is a huge violation of Wesen code and endangers the Wesen community. Monroe decides to reach out to the Wesen community, and he starts at a dive bar on the edge of town. This is definitely not Monroe’s scene, but the thieves are hanging out there. When they hear Monroe asking about it, a bar fight ensues. Nick and Hank break it up, but all involved decline to press charges. It does give Nick a good excuse to get everyone’s information.

The two robbers from the bar are Cole and Crystal, a Mickey-and-Mallory type pair who are cartoonishly out of control. There was a third robber, Gus, who they find later on by looking up Cole’s known associates. The address on Cole and Crystal’s IDs is an abandoned factory. When Nick and Hank go to investigate, they find nothing but a homeless man who fears the “monsters” will cut out his tongue.

The Wesen community is up in arms. Copycat crimes - Wesen robbing banks in full monster face - are springing up all around the state, and the non-felonious Wesen are terrified of being outed. Rosalee promises that she can handle it, and reveals to Monroe that her father, at one point, was part of the Wesen council. It is something very, very secretive, but her father’s paperwork yields a contact in Germany. De Groot is concerned when she calls, and promises to handle it.

Cole, Crystal and Gus hit another bank, but this one ends with several fatalities. Gus decides at this point, he is out. This was supposed to be a few quick scores, no one gets killed, but Cole and Crystal’s egos are out of control. They kill Gus at his house, then head back to the factory, which is where Nick and Hank find them. The four of them have a huge gunfight, but when the ammo runs out, they move to hand-to-hand combat. Police win, and Hank and Nick arrest them. It is a highly publicized arrest, with lots of press at the station when they bring them in... which is just was De Groot was hoping for. He sent an assassin down there who shoots Cole and Crystal, then surrenders. Almost instantly, the copycat crimes cease.

During all this, Nick and Renard have an uneasy truce. Renard promises that Rosalee’s potion helped a lot and assures Nick that he wants to be on the same side. His brother wants Nick’s key, and right now, Nick is the only one he trusts with it. Nick, for his part, decides to wear the key around his neck from now on.

Meanwhile, Juliette is home, but the moment she enters, she sees a massive sinkhole in her living room. And the door is jammed. And the stairs stretch up to infinity. Clearly, this is all in her mind, but she spends an entire day curled up on the stairs, scared. She dropped her phone into the hole, which seems to be gurgling demonically and shooting little white flashes of light. Her phone rings and tired of being stuck there, Juliette prepares herself to jump into the void. But as she does, the floorboards magically reappear. Her phone is there - no dark pit. The upstairs returns. She is relieved. But in the middle of the night, she gets a call. The same demonic gurgling is calling. Her cell phone has the same flashes of light across the screen. And she looks over the edge of her bed to find it floating above the pit.

Dig It or Bury It?

Things I liked about this episode: 

1. The uneasy truce between Nick and Renard.

2. Learning about the Wesen council and all this other mythology stuff. We are so close to getting the truth about those damn keys...

Things I didn’t like about this episode:

1. The Mickey and Mallory-esque pair. They were just so cartoony it was sad.

2. Why doesn’t someone just tell Juliette what is going on? All the secrecy alone is driving her to madness; how much worse could the truth be? Honestly, that is just driving me crazy. TELL HER!

Prophecies?

We get a new Wesen next week, a big insect thing that blinds its victims. It looks pretty cool.

The Walking Dead Episode 314
“Prey”
Written By: Evan Reilly
Directed By: Stefan Schwartz
Original Airdate: 17 March 2013

In This Episode...

Woodbury is planning for war. The Governor has given various decrees, including that Martinez collect all weapons and ammo, even personal weapons; and that no one is to leave Woodbury. Andrea is concerned, so Milton shows her something he just discovered: the Governor’s “workshop” - or what most people would recognize as a torture chamber. A dental chair sat in the center of the room, equipped with handcuffs, and a table laid out with all manner of instruments that are clearly meant to frighten and inflict pain. Andrea is shocked by this. The Governor enters, and the pair freeze. They are spying from the top of the room, a closed-off loft with a large vent. Andrea levels her gun at the Governor, but Milton makes her withdraw it. Later on, in private, Milton insists that killing the Governor won’t solve anything: Martinez will rise to take his place, and someone after that, and someone after that.

Andrea is determined to leave. After Martinez strips her of her firearm and ammo, she goes to the back gate and tries to lure Tyreese and Sasha off of guard duty. They don’t believe that Martinez is looking for them, so Andrea drops the ruse, climbs the wall, and lets her intent to escape be known. Tyreese is under strict instructions not to let anyone leave, but when Andrea pulls a knife, he knows she means business. As soon as she is over the wall, she runs. Tyreese and Sasha tattle to the Governor that Andrea escaped, and he is enraged. He leaves the rest of the preparations to Martinez and he goes out to get Andrea. Alone.

Tyreese is beginning to have his doubts about Woodbury. The fear in Andrea’s eyes, the conviction with which she left, the idea that she would rather take her chances with the walkers than with the Governor planted seeds of doubt in Tyreese. Alex doesn’t want Tyreese to make waves for fear that it will get them all kicked out. Apparently the friendship between the two is already tenuous because after Tyreese happened to save Donna’s life, she hung on to him rather than Alex. Anyway, they join Martinez on a trip out of the compound. He takes them to a huge pit in the ground that is filled with walkers. Martinez and his men start hoisting them out of the pen and loading them into livestock trailers. Martinez explains that they use every tool in their arsenal; Tyreese is shocked and refuses to set zombies on Rick’s kids. Alex warns him about making waves, and the two tussle, with Tyreese threatening to throw Alex into the walker pit.

Meanwhile, Andrea is trying to run through the woods in order to avoid the Governor, who is coming after her in a truck. She is set upon by three walkers and she takes them all out with relative ease - they are way less scary than the Governor. Andrea comes to a vast clearing and takes a deep breath before running through - it is completely devoid of cover. She hears the Governor’s truck and hits the dirt, but it is too late. He has seen her and is driving towards her. She begins to run again, making a mad dash for the cover of trees. She makes it, though barely.

As night comes, Andrea takes shelter in a school or factory or slaughterhouse or something. The Governor is not far behind, and the two engage in a cat-and-mouse chase through the dark, weathered interior. It is a sequence that could easily have been pulled from any of your better torture-porn flicks. The Governor closes in, and Andrea can either face him or run down a hall that is wall-to-wall walkers. She chooses option B, but thanks to some quick thinking and an optical illusion, Andrea lets all the walkers out into the room while she escapes down the hall. She walks calmly out the open door as she hears the Governor shooting wildly at dozens of zombies... then run out of ammo and be forced to kill them old skool.

Andrea survives the night, and is treated to a welcome sight: the prison. She approaches slowly, waving her arms so as not to be mistaken as the enemy. Rick is standing watch. As Andrea approaches, seemingly out of nowhere, the Governor springs up out of the brush and tackles her to the ground. Rick thinks he sees something, but after a careful scan of the horizon through his rifle sight, he chalks it up to another grief-hallucination and doesn’t followup. 

The Governor returns to Woodbury, with his prize safely stored out of sight. He assures his people that he hasn’t found Andrea yet, but will continue to look for her. Martinez informs him that during the night, someone sneaked out to the zombie pits, doused them with gasoline, and set them on fire. The Governor instructs Martinez to go round up some more. After hearing about the altercation at the pit, he confronts Tyreese about torching the zombies, but Tyreese didn’t do it. Milton did.

And if there is any doubt as to whether or not the Governor returned to Woodbury with Andrea, he did. She is tied up in the torture chamber that was once reserved for Michonne.

Dig It or Bury It?

More than any other episode, tonight’s show was a horror movie in the truest sense of the word. The whole thing. Andrea having to talk her way out of Woodbury. Andrea running. Andrea hiding in the forest. The cat-and-mouse chase in the school. The escape from that school/factory/meat packing district. Then the hope, the relief, as she finally sees her goal... so close - and the pure slasher movie moment where the Governor pops up from the brush and tackles Andrea - and any hope of safety. That scene reminded me very much of the final scene in Friday the 13th, where Jason attacks Alice in the lake. I also appreciated not cutting between whatever was going on at the prison. It kept the story focused and on track.

Kill o’ the Week

Clearly, this one goes to Milton and the fire pit zombies. When Martinez finds them in the morning, they are a truly hideous pile of charcoal. A few of the walkers on the top of the pile did not get completely consumed by the fire. They are charred remnants of bodies, still glowing red from the embers, but twitching and moving their mouths in a desperate attempt to eat someone.

Prophecies?

Rick is tired of the fear and decides that turning Michonne over to the Governor might not be the worst idea in the world.

Steve Niles has been a faithful fighter for the little guy in the word of indie publishing and films. In Part Two he wraps up his feelings on the comic industry and looks forward to his own future. A future, it seems, that he is much more able to have a hand in shaping.

The indie publisher almost can’t afford a failure. So does indie publishing actually just come down to the comic creators?

It really does, more and more. I had a nice experience when I did the Little Bloody Pulp Book. We were wondering how we were going to do direct sales. One thing that surprised us was we sold 500 copies in a minute. We put it online and FOOM! 500 copies. Now had I not put a $5.00 cover price on it... We sold 2,000 over a period of time. I can’t make a living selling 2,000 through the Diamond direct market. I can make a damn good living selling 2,000 directly to fans.

One of the things I’ve already told Bernie Wrightson (now that Steve has moved to Austin, TX where Bernie lives – editor’s note) is that I'm dragging him out to book festivals and art festivals. Can you imagine walking by a booth at an art festival and seeing Bernie Wrightson art? We can get new fans. That’s what we need. Because every month we’re all like a bunch of rabid dogs fighting over the same pie.

Is saying “We want to get new fans” also saying “We want to move out of graphic novels and into new things”?

In general I think the entire approach needs to be different. All we’re trying to sell is words and pictures. It’s not that hard of a sale. But I believe that Marvel and DC have kept us in this “it’s little boy’s escapists fantasies/superheroes” and if you ask most people about comic books they either think that Spider-Man is for kids or the funny... the Peanuts. They don’t realize it’s like a lot more.

Is there anything in the works concerning you and the film world?

Definitely.  You know I spent 10 years constantly meeting, constantly developing stuff, trying to get anything made and at the end of it I got two movies.

Two movies meaning 30 Days of Night and Remains?

Yeah I got 30 Days and I got a TV movie and the sequel. But nothing has been as big as 30 Days. Even that took almost ten years to get on screen.

Thank you, David Slade, you did a fine job.

Without David Slade (see photo of David and Steve - editor) and Brian Nelson it wouldn’t be what it is. I just decided to take a few steps back. What I want to do is focus on my comics and then if something else happens, Great. I’m right there. I’ll be the first person at the premiere. But I’m not going to get preoccupied with it anymore because honestly I know how to make a book. I know how to make a comic and get it out there. I don’t have a clue how to get a movie made.

So in the meantime you are firmly entrenched in the comic world?

I just want to make my comics. I think that’s where I’m most comfortable anyway. I’m just going to do that. What’s so funny, of course, is that as soon as I say that, I get signed by a new agency and there’s all kinds of heat on my projects again. We’ve got Transfusion, Criminal Macabre, Freaks of the Heartland all these things are starting to spark again. I think it’s all because I’m leaving Southern California and people just want to make me feel bad.

Are we going to see anymore Bloody Pulp publications?

Absolutely. I’m going to be doing stuff with Bernie, doing some posters. I’ve got two more of the little books going to come out. One with James O’Barr and Bernie Wrightson and really I’m the hold-up at this point. Because those things are so affordable to make I’ve got to finish the stories. I’ve just been so busy doing the comics.

What about publishing other people’s books under the Bloody Pulp banner?

You know, we did the Lance Henriksen thing and that was really fun. If something really unusual came along. But I don’t want to become a publisher. I tried that already once with Arcane and lost everything. The fact that I was a teenager probably didn’t help. I want to try a little bit of everything. Now Alex Lodermeir (Steve's partner in Bloody Pulp) is talking about wanting to do more comics. So that’s what a big part of this move is to try and get my expenses down to where I can afford to take all these chances. Well, you know. Since all the stuff in my life I’ve had to work double time for the last, what, five years?

If you could go back and change anything what would you do?

I just wish I’d of had all the experience I have now. That’s just age. I learned everything, especially the Hollywood stuff, with trial by fire.

You didn’t have a mentor or anybody?

No. That was really odd. Nobody came to help me. They just wanted to rake my money. In looking back there is a lot of stuff I would have handled differently. Just a little calmer. You’ve just got to have patience. I didn’t know that. I was at 110% every day. I just burned myself out. You can’t be that way. You’ve got to roll with the stuff and that’s what I’m finally realizing. You know I’m not swearing off movies by any stretch. I’m just not making it my priority anymore.

With the way the industry has changed would you advise new people to break into comics?

You know it’s so hard. Even while I was at a Dark Delicacies signing somebody asked if I had advice for a young comic writer. My first response is “Run.” Get a real job. It’s tough. The only advice I can really give people is that if you don’t love it, forget it. The odds have always been against you no matter what for being a musician, for being an author, comic writer, filmmaker, whatever. But is has just gotten worse now. The odds have gotten a little worse that you are not going to get anything done. But on the same token I feel there is more reason for movies. I’m hoping we’ll get an independent film scene back.

Bloody Pulp Pictures?

Oh boy. But right now everything is tent pole. Everything is a big, ridiculous, overdone Hollywood movie.

Nowadays everything is about branding.

Yep. I want other stuff. As a horror fan especially some of my favorite films are little pieces of crap.

But for you your name is your brand.

That’s what my agent is telling me now. I have to start branding myself. Whatever that means.

Read Part 1 of the interview here.
- - -
Steve Niles can be found on Facebook and so can Del Howison
 

Walk a day in a zombie’s shoes. These hand-painted slip-on sneakers make feet look like they’ve been taking too many showers at the local gym. Decaying toes and worm-eaten soles let people know exactly who is shuffling toward them.

This is a gift for the zombie fanatic in your life and the etsy seller will paint them to your specifications.

“These can be customized exactly as you wish. If you want them in a skin color or a blue, I can do that. Want a toe ring on the design or a tattoo…No problem.”

Zombies with toe rings? That’s truly terrifying.
 

About $54.00 on etsy.com

There’s a winking truth-in-advertising with Rebellion’s Sniper Elite: Nazi Zombie Army.  It spells itself out in its title, throwing any and all subtlety completely out the window in its pursuit of grindhouse pleasures.  It hearkens back to the rollicking Seventies, when Nazi Zombies were a surprisingly well-worn trope.  Jean Rollin made Zombie Lake, maestro of sleaze Jess Franco threw his hat into the ring with Oasis of the Zombies, and Ken Wiederhorn directed the more subtly titled Shock Waves.  Unfortunately, most of these movies weren’t particularly noteworthy, especially when stripped of the eroticism that was usually prevalent in Rollin and Franco’s work.  Sniper Elite: Nazi Zombie Army falls into this same lame category, somehow taking a sleazy but entertaining premise and producing a final product that, sadly, should have never risen.

The game starts out promising enough, with a tongue-in-cheek opening set in Hitler’s bunker as the combined forces of the Allies and Stalin attack Germany on both fronts.  When advised to surrender, the diminutive dictator barks out the ominous command to “execute Plan Z,” which unleashes—of course—an army of Nazi zombies from their graves to…I’m not really sure.  I guess Hitler hopes to push the Allies back and clean up the remaining gut-munchers afterwards.

Once the charmingly B-tinged opening is over, the game proper begins, and it’s a sadly flavorless, bland affair.  You charge around a decimated Deutschland and kill Nazi zombies—a concept that sounds much more fun than the execution—in a way that feels so utterly typical that it’s nothing less than completely disappointing.  Everything from the controls to the graphics feels pedestrian and completely lacking in anything that would make it unique, which is tragic given the potential for grindhouse sleaze that could be mined.

The only unique aspect of the game comes from the actual sniping, which is a charmingly gory affair the first few times it happens.  Executing a well-placed headshot throws the game into a slow-mo bullet cam, which chases the round across the map and gives you an x-ray view as it plows its way through brain and bone.  It’s a hoot at first, but it quickly falls into the same trap as the rest of the game: uninspired blandness.

It’s a goddamn tragedy that Sniper Elite: Nazi Zombie Army is so reliant on its theme that it forgets to be a compelling game first.  Even with an army of goose-stepping ghouls and more swastikas and pentagrams than the merch table at a Slayer concert, it’s just so damn boring that it’s simply not worth the price, even at a bargain-basement $14.99.

Sniper Elite: Nazi Zombie Army is available now on Steam.

Bates Motel Episode 101
“First You Dream, Then You Die”
Story By: Kerry Ehrin, Anthony Cipriano, and Carlton Cuse
Teleplay By: Kerry Ehrin and Anthony Cipriano
Directed By: Tucker Gates
Original Airdate: 18 March 2013

In This Episode...

We open on Norman Bates watching an old movie on TV. He suddenly stands, stumbles down the hall, calling for mom as he goes. He comes to the garage, and discovers dad dead in a pool of his own blood. Mother comes from the shower and comforts her son.

Six months later and Norma has relocated herself and Norman in an effort to “start over.” Norma picked up a motel and a house at a foreclosure auction and surprises Norman with it. He is doubtful but wants to please his mother.

Norman starts his new school. His first encounter with his classmates comes at the bus stop, when a quartet of pretty girls start chatting with him. A fifth girl rolls up in a brand new convertible and they all pile in. Bradley, the leader of this clique, is very flirty with Norman. These are the girls who would normally be the “mean girls” - but they are being really nice. At school, Norman meets with his counselor Miss Watson, who encourages him to get involved in sports or clubs as a way to set down roots. He tries out for track team.

Norma spends her day cleaning up around their new house and making dinner for her and Norman. A phone call darkens her day: it is Dylan, her older, estranged son who is mad that his mom didn’t even tell him she moved. He wants money; she hangs up on him. Dinner is waiting for Norman when he gets home - too bad he is home late. Norman wants his mother to sign his track team permission slip; Norma expected Norman to come home after school and help with the motel - after all, she is doing this for him, but she doesn’t want to be the mother who tells her son that he can’t be on the track team

The next day, Norman is on the porch beating the dust out of a rug when the Bates get an unwelcome visitor: Keith, the former owner. The property had been in his family for over 100 years and he was mad that it belonged to another. Norma will not be intimidated, and threatens to call the police if he comes there again - or she will shoot him. After dinner, Bradley and her clique come by to invite Norman to go study at the library. Norma won’t let him, so like any normal 17-year-old, he sneaks out. Poor gullible Norman - they go to a party.

As Norma cleans up from dinner, she hears a noise. Keith has returned, and he breaks into the house. Norma calls for Norman, but he is not home. She arms herself with a knife, but Keith swats it away. He tapes her mouth shut, bends her over the kitchen table, handcuffs her, and rapes her. “Everything in this house is mine.” Mid thrust, Norman finally shows up and bashes Keith over the head. Norma handcuffs Keith and kicks the knife far out of his reach. She sends Norman for the emergency kit to tape up her badly bleeding hand. Keith wakes up and moves towards Norma, who holds the knife as protection. “You liked it,” he sneers. Provoked, Norma stabs him brutally. Norman comes in to see his mother atop of the dead, bleeding drunk on the floor.

Norman’s first, natural response, is to call 911 - after all, it was clearly self-defense. Norma refuses, not wanting the place to be labeled the “rape/murder motel.” Instead she decides they will move the body into one of the motel room bathtubs, at least until morning, when she can figure out what to do with the body. The two drag him down to the motel, leaving a bloody mess in their wake. A massive bloodstain forms on the carpet, so Norma decides it is time to do a little renovating, even though it is after midnight. As Norman starts tearing up the carpet, he discovers a small, worn notebook. Inside, it looks like someone is making their own manga. Pages of Japanese writing opposes anime sketches of men doing horrible things to young women. Norman is fascinated, but bright lights signal a car approaching the motel, and he hides the notebook.

Sheriff Romero and Deputy Shelby have stopped by to check on things. They didn’t realize the motel had been purchased already. Norma is pleasant and thanks the men for checking up on them, but Romero is suspicious of so much work at 2am. (Personally, I don’t think it is weird - if I bought a motel I am sure I would work until all hours of the night renovating.) He meets Norman, and asks to use the bathroom. Norma tries to stop him by telling him it is broken, but Romero isn’t dissuaded. He pees mere inches from Keith’s sagging body (good thing he hasn’t started to rot yet) and he and Shelby leave without incident.

The next day at school, Norman looks traumatized. At lunch he spots a smudge of blood on the toe of his shoe, and runs out of the cafeteria to vomit. This is where he meets Emma, a friendly - if odd - girl with cystic fibrosis, who offers him a mint. That night, Norman assists mother in getting Keith out of the motel. They weigh him down and take him out on a rowboat. Norma feels guilty because she discovered that the town is convening to redirect the highway away from the motel, meaning that traffic will be sparse. She vows to Norman that she won’t let that happen. They dump Keith overboard.

Dig It or Bury It?

I like it - this is a promising start. The acting is great, the atmosphere is creepy, and because everyone knows the story of Norman Bates and his mother, not a lot of backstory or setup that is needed. We can get right to the story.

Mommy Dearest

Norma is a piece of work. When introduces Norman to their new digs, she presents them by pulling up out front, then arranging herself prettily on the hood of the car before the “ta-da” moment. When showing him the house, Norman thinks his room is up in the attic, but Norma has put him in the room right next to hers. As Norman protests her handling of the Keith situation, she sighs, “I’m sorry this dirtbag raped me.” Then when the two of them are out in the boat, dumping the body, it practically turns into a date. Norma is a terrible mother, and Norman is too good for her. Norman, for his part, says that he doesn’t ever want to live in a world without her. She is everything to him. He quotes Jane Eyre - “It’s like there is a cord between our hearts” - tells her they belong to each other.

Prophecies?

Coming up this season: Norman gets ill; he shares the manga journal with Emma; Norma sleeps with Deputy Shelby; the sheriff starts asking questions about Keith; and a lot of people die. I am hooked. I sense this show is going to go really dark, really fast. 

The Following Episode 109
“Love Hurts”
Written By: Adam Armus and Kay Foster
Directed By: Marcos Siega and Adam Davidson
Original Airdate: 18 March 2013

In This Episode...

Joe invites his followers to finish “our” story and wants to know what inspires them. First up is Amanda, a woman in her early thirties who reacts to Joe like a teenager at Justin Bieber concert. Her first kill takes place at a diner in Union Hill, Pennsylvania. Two women are having lunch at a diner. One of them gets up to go to the bathroom, and Amanda takes her place at the table, startling the blonde. She needs a favor - she wants the stranger to tell Ryan Hardy that love hurts. The second woman gets back from the bathroom and slides in next to her friend. She is scarcely there for a few seconds before Amanda shoots her, under the table, with a spear gun. Amanda leaves, giggling, before the stranger can even comprehend what is going on.

When Ryan shows up, he is alarmed to hear the victim’s name is Claire. Her last name is Duncan... but her maiden name is Matthews. The FBI immediately sets about locating every Claire Matthews in the country. There are 87 nationwide, but, for now, they are concerned about five in the immediate area. One is dead. One is “our” Claire, already in protective custody (she is relocated and kept sheltered from all media at Ryan’s insistence - if our Claire knew about this, she would insist on coming out of protective custody in the hope of saving the other Claires). They find another and get her to safety. That leaves two left. Amanda gets to one of them first. While the first Claire’s death was quick and quiet, the second was much more violent: Amanda pushes her way into Claire’s apartment by pretending to be a cop, struggles with her victim, and throws her off the balcony. She lands at the feet of the police officer who was just arriving to protect her.

There is one more Claire out there, a college student whose roommate says she went to a festival and left her cell phone at home. Ryan and Debra head to the festival (more like a Mardi Gras rave) with at least 50 cops and have them fan out. Ryan spots Louise, but Louise puts on a discarded mask and he quickly loses her in the crowd. Someone has found Claire already - a man named Steven. The two move off the dance floor and just chit-chat, but for once, he isn’t a follower - he is a decent guy who was just flirting with a cute girl. He recognizes her and shows her the news reports about how the cops are looking for her. They go together to find a cop, but Amanda finds them first. Recognizing her from the news, Steven sends Claire to find a cop while he tries to stop Amanda. Amanda doesn’t hesitate to stab Steven.

Claire is having a remarkably difficult time finding a cop, but find one she does. As he radios to the rest of the squad that he has Claire, Louise shows up and shoots the cop. She and Amanda have Claire cornered until Ryan shows up. Claire runs, Amanda runs, and Louise freezes in Ryan’s crosshairs. He tells her to drop her weapon; she taunts him. He threatens to shoot; she tells him, “You don’t have the--” Bang. She’s dead. Ryan continues on through a construction site, looking for Claire and Amanda. He finds them together, unfortunately. Amanda has a nail gun to Claire’s head. Ryan lowers his weapon and kicks it to Amanda, then makes her the same offer that he seems to make an awful lot in this show: “Kill me instead.” (I don’t think it works like that.) Amanda’s chapter is about hurtful love and revenge. She has to kill Claire Matthews to teach Ryan a lesson about sleeping with Joe’s wife. “It’s a freaking metaphor!” she screams when Ryan tries to argue with her. Ryan picks a different tactic: he admits that what he did was wrong, but he couldn’t help it. He is in love with her. Amanda calms down a bit, grateful that Ryan finally admitted it. Now Ryan asks Amanda to punish him by killing him. He can’t unlove Claire, and it is the only way Joe can get his happy ending. As soon as she moves the nail gun from Claire’s head, Ryan tackles her. Claire runs, and Amanda is in custody.

Paul and Jacob are back this week. They have taken sanctuary at Jacob’s parents’ lake house. Mom comes home and is shocked to find them there. They are all over the news. Mom wants to understand, but Jacob simply cannot explain. He cries. Mom is a former nurse, so she cares for Paul, but his wounds are infected and he has sepsis. He will die if he doesn’t get to the hospital. In addition to Paul’s help, mom wants Jacob to leave because his father is on the way over and he will certainly call the police. Paul insists that Jacob kill him - he owes him. Jacob finally commits his first murder, a mercy killing. He sobs as he suffocates Paul.

Dig It or Bury It?

I wish they spent more time on the Claire Matthews story. I am fascinated by the idea, and it is a conceit that I can’t remember being used. I was never crazy about Paul and Jacob, so I am not sad to see Paul go, but I hope this turns Jacob into a more interesting character. I liked the Amanda character - she was an awesome kind of crazy. I sense Roderick will develop into a similarly awesome crazy. We already got the first signs of a true sociopathic behavior tonight. I suspect that Emma is going to go batshit crazy very soon. Joe is already rebuffing her advances, and she is jealous of anyone else talking to him. I am curious to know what Joey was doing this whole time. Is he just being kept locked in his bedroom? Does he get to mix with the other followers? Play outside?

Masque of the Red Death

The first Claire Matthews death was epic. In the middle of a crowded diner, in broad daylight, Amanda shoots Claire under the table - with a spear gun. It goes straight through Claire’s torso, clean out the back of the booth. It renders her friend virtually trapped in the booth, too. It was so swift, quiet, and normal (to Amanda, at least) that people in the diner didn’t realize that anything was wrong at first.

Flashback to the Future

Amanda first met Joe in 2007, and she tells him she is a groupie. She caught her husband having an affair, so she shot them both, hacked them up into pieces over the next few days, drove to Florida to dump them in a swamp, then kept driving until she got to Joe. She has been on the lam ever since.

In a flashback to 2008, we see Paul and Jacob’s first kill together. Paul must kill to prove himself to Emma and Jacob; she sends Jacob with him to “help.” She has even picked out a victim from the internet. We don’t see the capture, we just see Paul and Jacob arguing over who will make the first cut. Paul wants Jacob to stab her first, as a sign of good faith. Jacob cannot do it, so Paul takes over, brutally stabbing the woman in the trunk of his car. Later, Jacob weeps openly and admits he has never killed anyone. Paul promises to keep it a secret. He likes Jacob and Emma, and this way Jacob will “owe him one.” Well, tonight, he calls in that favor.

Prophecies?

The trailer promises that next week’s episode will be “can’t-miss” and “heart-stopping.” I hope that means something awesome is going to happen - not that Ryan’s damn heart stops again.

Being Human Episode 310
“For Those About to Rot”
Written By: Chris Dingess
Directed By: Paolo Barzman
Original Airdate: 18 March 2013

In This Episode...

Sally gets a panicked call from Zoe. She goes over, and discovers that Zoe beat Nick to death with a baseball bat after he tried to eat her. She is freaked out. Nick’s ghost appears and explains to them what is happening. He doesn’t blame Zoe for what she did, and on the upside, he gets his door. He does tell Zoe to stay away from Sally because eventually, she will succumb to the hunger. With Josh’s help, the two bury Nick’s body deep in the forest. Josh then accompanies Sally to Stevie’s parents house. They desperately want to track him down before the hunger gets him, too. They are surprised to see Stevie at his house. He invites them in, and initially lies about his parents being out of town. On an innocent trip back fromt he bathroom, Josh wanders through the kitchen and sees an arm hanging out of the breadbox. Stevie admits that he couldn’t stay away and had one blissful night with his parents. When he woke the next morning, they were both dead, victims of the witch’s curse. The arm that Josh found did not belong to Stevie’s dad - it belonged to the mailman. Stevie is wracked with guilt and has spent every day contemplating suicide. Remembering how hard it was the first time has prevented him from doing it, but now that Josh and Sally are here, he begs them to kill him. Sally flat-out refuses; she still believes Stevie can come with them and eventually they will find a cure. But Josh takes pity on Stevie and does the deed himself. Sally is concerned that she will be next, but Josh is adamant that she is stronger than Stevie and Nick. Stevie gets his door, but Sally is alarmed. She tries to stop Stevie from going in, but it is too late. Stevie’s door was identical to Nick’s door, and no two people ever have the same door.

Aidan seems to be sleepwalking - he wakes in an alley, dressed but with no shoes on, after an evening spent reading. He has also been having dreams and flashbacks to his human life. His first child was stillborn, and afterwards, their reverend shamed them openly in church. Aidan believes that it is a personally vendetta against him because Susanna chose Aidan over the reverend. Aidan stops going to church, which brings the reverend around to further antagonize Aidan. Aidan slugs him, which upsets Susanna. Eventually, they have their son. Now, in 2013, Aidan and Kat go on their second date to the Boston Book Archives, where she shows him a book published by an ancestor, Edmund Waite. Aidan looks at it fondly, remarking that Edmund was his father - er, he means great, great, great etc. grandfather. While there, they run into Jeff, Kat’s former boyfriend of four years. They get out of there and go back to her place for wine. She was Jeff’s student, and they lived together, but after four years she finally mentioned wanting to have a family, and Jeff backed off, saying he didn’t want anymore kids (he had two from a previous marriage) and didn’t believe in marriage. Kat moved out the next night. In order to put Kat at ease for her over-sharing, Aidan admits that he can’t have children. He wants children, he just can’t physically have them. As the night winds down, she kisses him goodnight. The kiss grows passionate, and Aidan licks her neck. He pulls away, saying they were too raw to go any further after their intense conversation, so he leaves - but he is filled with regret, and weighs his options on the street. He ducks behind some bushes, downs a bag of blood, and goes back to Kat. “Screw it.” And screw it they do. Aidan again wakes in the middle of the night, finding himself in another alley. He picks himself up and stumbles away. He does not see Jeff nearby, dead behind a car, with puncture wounds on his neck.

Also: Josh goes to visit Peter at his Winnebago, and discovers a trio of vampires gorging themselves on Peter’s sweet, vaccinating blood. They are about to eat Josh, too, when the girl vamp reminds him that Josh is strictly off-limits. Instead, they knock Josh out and continue their meal.

Dig It or Bury It?

Another good episode. After a crappy season two, things are finally getting back to good. The producers have figured out a way to make each character have an interesting storyline and still allows them to, you know, interact with each other. I am enjoying Aidan’s storyline, but not for the obvious reasons. I am just waiting until Kat finds a historical photo of one of Aidan’s ancestors that is just way too identical, or something like that. I assumed that was where their story was going when it turned out she was a history professor; the trip to the archives tonight just solidified that. I still really like the show’s take on zombies - it’s a really elegant way to do it.  But I am still thinking that Josh may not actually turn wolf. He smelled the arm in the kitchen (that could have just been rot that any human could smell) but he couldn’t see Stevie the ghost. If he is a werewolf again, I assume that the scratch would have led directly to wolfism - no first change necessary.

Jolly Good Fun

Josh: “I can’t believe how unremarkable burying a corpse has become.”

Aidan to Sally: “You are one of the only people I know who is less weird as a ghost than a person.”

Prophecies?

Nora promises to help Sally find food, and Josh and Nora are very close to their wedding. So close, Josh is taken to a bachelor party. With vampire strippers.

Fresh off its SXSW premiere Jacob Vaughan’s Milo has been picked up by Magnet Releasing for North American distribution.

The horror-comedy stars Ken Marino from The State and Gillian Jacobs of Community fame and features the puppetry of Frank Langley and Bob Mano. The plot involves a man and his anxiety-produced pet demon.

Here’s the synopsis straight from the press release:

Duncan’s (Ken Marino) life is a real pain in the ass.  Tormented by manipulative, crooked boss (Patrick Warburton), a nagging mother (Mary Kay Place), a deadbeat new age dad (Stephen Root), and a sweet, yet pressuring, wife (Gillian Jacobs), his mounting stress starts to trigger an insufferable gastrointestinal reaction.  Out of ideas and at the end of his rope, Duncan seeks the help of a hypnotherapist (Peter Stormare), who helps him discover the root of his unusual stomach pain: a pintsized demon living in his intestine that, triggered by excessive anxiety, forces its way out and slaughters the people who have angered him.  Out of fear that his intestinal gremlin may target its wrath on the wrong person, Duncan attempts to befriend it, naming it Milo and indulging it to keep its seemingly insatiable appetite at bay.

Hasn’t everyone always wanted a stomach Gremlin of their very own?
 

Did you dig that teaser trailer for 'Hatchet III' which debuted earlier today? Well, we've got a little something extra special to get all you Victor Crowley fans pumped for the upcoming sequel. We had 'Hatchet III' director BJ McDonnell drop by the FEARnet offices to give us the scoop on what it was like to tackle the latest flick in the "slasher" franchise. McDonnell is no stranger to the world of horror having worked as camera operator on Rob Zombie's 'Halloween', 'Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter' and of course the first two 'Hatchet' movies, but 'Hatchet III' marks his directorial debut and judging from the teaser we got earlier today, a very ambitious debut indeed. As announced earlier today, 'Hatchet III' will play in select theaters June 14th and stars Danielle Harris, Kane Hodder, Zach Galligan, Derek Mears & Caroline Williams. 'Til then, check out our exclusive interview with director BJ McDonnell below!

It’s been a while since we’ve been offered any new visuals from Hemlock Grove, the new Netflix original series from executive producer Eli Roth based on the novel by Brian McGreevy. Apparently to make up for lost time, the series creators have rolled out the following four trailers, each one loaded with never-before-seen footage:

“Gypsy”

“Blood Angel”

“Suspects”

“Grisly”

Hemlock Grove stars Famke Janssen, Bill Skarsgard, Landon Liboiron, Dougray Scott, Penelope Mitchell and Lili Taylor. All thirteen episodes post April 19th on Netflix.