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14 Comic Book Heroes (and Villains) We'd Really Like to Hang Out With

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Many horror fans grew up reading comics. In fact, a lot of comic books and graphic novels are rooted in strong horror overtones, so there's a lot of opportunity for crossover between the two worlds. This is highly evident in many of the more adult-oriented comics, but even the ones lacking frightful themes were still a great deal of fun to read in the past, and continue to be a part of our lives today.
 
Since everyone who grew up reading comics has probably wondered what it would be like to hang out with their favorite superhero or supervillain, we've compiled a list of fourteen of those iconic characters whom we'd really love to be BFFs with. This is by no means a definitive list; this is just a collection of our top choices. Feel free to suggest your own top picks in the comment box below! 
 
Punisher
 
The Punisher
 
Who wouldn’t want to spend some quality time with The Punisher? He's the ultimate vengeance-seeking badass. He believes in his own form of vigilante justice, whether it's within the confines of the law or not; it doesn't really matter to him either way. If you got in tight with The Punisher, perhaps you could get him to "punish" people you didn’t like... like people who text message during movies, or people that chew their gum too loudly. The possibilities are limitless.
 
Ghost_Rider
 
Ghost Rider
 
Ghost Rider belongs to the same brand of darker justice that The Punisher does: he isn’t afraid to color outside the lines, and he really shouldn’t be, seeing as how he made himself a deal with the Devil. He would be a good guy to have in your corner in the event that you need someone's legs broken, or some questionable justice carried out. You can never have enough allies with slightly questionable morals.
 
Joker
 
The Joker
 
The Joker would be great to have around at parties; he’s always quick with a punchline and usually sports a boutonnière that dispenses toxic chemicals to silence party guests who had too much to drink, or like the sound of their own voice too much.
 
Flash
 
The Flash
 
Missed your train to the airport? No problem. If you've got Flash on speed-dial, he can get you there before you can say TSA. He also sports a sharp looking red jumpsuit, so you will never lose him in a crowd.
 
Scott_Pilgrim
 
Scott Pilgrim
 
If nothing else, Scott has a great sense of humor, and if you're out in public with him, you are absolutely guaranteed not to be the most awkward person in the room. Though he isn’t exactly a superhero in the sense that he doesn’t really possess any super powers, he has some sense of right and wrong... and has major nerd credentials to boot.
 
Hellboy
 
Hellboy
 
Hellboy is an ultimate badass. He's a demon, but thanks to a wholesome upbringing, he's chosen to harness his powers for good, and the big oaf even sawed off his horns in an attempt to leave his demonic roots in the past. He has a right arm made of stone, which will undoubtedly come in handy for opening pickle jars, or any number of other things. He also works with an organization devoted to combatting the dark forces of the occult, so if you need a paranormal investigator, you can always call in a favor to the big red guy.
 
 
The Tick
 
The Tick and his trusty Moth sidekick Arthur would be a blast to hang out with, if only for the comic relief: he's a bumbling meathead with a heart of gold, and the situations he and Arthur wind up in are seldom without a hefty dose of humor. The other heroes that exist in The Tick’s world are a great deal of fun as well: for example, The American Maid (from the cartoon series) throws her stiletto heels and tiara as a primary line of defense.
 
Wonder_Woman
 
Wonder Woman
 
Anyone want to take a ride in her invisible jet? I do! Not only is Wonder Woman absolutely the epitome of physical and mental perfection: she has awesome bangle bracelets that she uses to deflect bullets... and she’s also a nice lady. Don’t even get me started on her magic lasso or her headpiece that doubles as a boomerang!
 
Wolverine
 
Wolverine
 
With an adamantium skeleton, the heightened senses of an actual animal, and the ability to heal in mere seconds, Wolverine would be perfect to have around for opening that annoying super-thick plastic that almost everything comes packaged in these days... or he could help you practice fencing, and he would have no need for that ugly protective suit, because if you stab him he'll heal in a matter of moments.
 
Judge_Dredd
 
Judge Dredd
 
Judge Joseph Dredd, along with his Lawgiver Pistol, has near-absolute power when it comes to futuristic justice. In the comics, the man is currently in his seventies, and he canstill kick ass. Whether you need a traffic citation expunged or an underworld crime lord sentenced to death on the spot, Dredd is the man for the job.
 
Deadpool
 
Deadpool
 
Deadpool has enjoyed a recent spike in popularity lately, and countless cosplayers have taken to appropriating his likeness. Like Wolverine, he has the ability to heal almost instantaneously, and is immune to sickness or disease of any kind; he's come back from literally being decapitated due to his ability to heal almost instantaneously. This is definitely the kind of guy I'd like to have in my corner and take out for a drink, so I could ask him a million different questions about his super awesome skill-set.
 
Batman
 
Batman
 
Need to host a party for a large group of people? Just say the word and Batman's alter-ego Bruce Wayne can hook you up with his sweet pad, Wayne Manor. Need financing for… well, anything? Batman’s got your back. He’s also a man of few words, so you don’t have to worry about him talking your ear off like other more long-winded purveyors of justice.
 
Spider-Man
 
Spider-Man
 
The Web-Slinger could effortlessly give you a bird’s eye tour of the big city that would rival any attraction Six Flags has to offer. Also, he has a thing for redheads, so you won’t have to fight him for the attention of any blondes or brunettes, should you ever find yourself in a social situation together.
 
Super-Man
 
Superman
 
The Man of Steel's really got it going on: superhuman strength, X-ray vision, the ability to fly, and the affection of Lois Lane. The only drawback to spending time with Superman is that he will totally upstage you in every situation. Sure, it will probably be unintentional, but it’s hard to top a man that can lift a freight train or literally kick someone’s ass into outer space, so the benefits would far outweigh the drawbacks in that relationship.

McFarlane Toys Giving Daryl Dixon the Deluxe Box Set Treatment

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Daryl3
 
It’s pretty interesting that the most popular and beloved character on The Walking Dead is not only not the main character of the show, but also one that never even appeared in the comic series it’s based on. With survival skills that put Bear Grylls to shame and better aim with a crossbow than Cupid could ever dream of having, Daryl Dixon instantly became a fan favorite, and one of the most badass dudes to ever grace a television screen. In fact, the character was so loved by fans right out of the gate that the original plans of having Norman Reedus as a short-term actor on TWD were completely changed after the first season, and Dixon was promoted to a main character from Season 2 onward.
 
You’d be hard pressed to find a Walking Dead fan who doesn’t list Daryl at the tippy-top of their ranking of favorite characters on the show, and I’d go so far as to say that he’s the least expendable one out of the bunch, and one that I’d be more surprised to see meet true death than Rick Grimes himself. AMC and the various companies that put out TWD merchandise have of course realized how important the character is to the show and how much fans have embraced him, which has led to Daryl starring in his own spinoff video game and even appearing in a Super Bowl commercial for Time Warner Cable earlier this year.
 
Be jealous, Mr. Grimes. Be very jealous.
 
It was in 2011 that McFarlane Toys announced they would be putting out action figures based on the Walking Dead universe, in separate lines for the comic series and the TV show. Just two years later, Series 4 of the TV line is gearing up for release, with the fifth series already up for pre-order. If you guessed that the most popular toy that’s been released in the line thus far was Daryl, then give yourself a cookie.
 
Originally released in Series 1, the very first Daryl Dixon figure quickly sold out and became the most sought after toy in the entire McFarlane line, and he can often be found selling for around $200 on eBay. Realizing what a cash cow the character is, McFarlane got to work on finding as many different ways to make more Daryl figures as they could, with a repaint of the Series 1 figure seeing re-release in an upcoming two-pack with his brother Merle, and Daryl even getting his very own Deluxe Edition 10” figure later this year. Toy collectors have been complaining about the small size of McFarlane’s Walking Dead offerings these last couple of years, and who better to give the biggie size treatment to than Daryl?
 
Today we’ve learned that yet another Daryl toy is headed our way: McFarlane this time is presenting him alongside his iconic motorcycle, the very first vehicle to make its way into the TWD line. A brand new sculpt that is in my opinion the best toy likeness we’ve seen of the character thus far, the figure was created from a full 3D scan of Norman Reedus, and will be included in a box set with his hunting knife, crossbow and the aforementioned chopper.
 
Here's some close-up images of the set, which for now are digital renderings whipped up to give you an idea of what the finished product will look like:
 
Daryl1
 
The Daryl Dixon Deluxe Box Set is set to begin shipping next March, and you can pre-order yours today over on Clark Toys for $34.99.
 
Daryl2
 
If you’re looking to line your shelves with even more Daryl Dixon toys, you’ll find everything from plush dolls to bobbleheads and busts to vinyl figures, from companies like Funko and Gentle Giant... and something tells me that all of this is only the beginning of Dixon’s reign over the toy aisle!

Bagged and Boarded Comic Reviews: X-Files, Crazy Angels, and More!

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New comic book Wednesday has come and gone. The dust at your local comic shop has settled. An eerie silence descends as you finish reading your last superhero book of the week. Now it's time for something a little more sinister. Welcome to Bagged and Boarded: comic reviews of the sick, spooky, twisted and terrifying!
 
Satan1Kiss Me, Satan No. 1
 
Barnabus was once an angel. When the big man upstairs kicked the devil and his other angels out of heaven, Barnabus was the only angel that wanted to go back. Now he spends his time in a werewolf-infested New Orleans keeping witches safe and running from the devil's personal assistants. When the kingpin of the werewolf mafia (yep, you heard me) finds out his unborn son won't be born a lycanthrope, he freaks out and attempts to kill all who know too much. So Barnabus is assigned protection duty and away we go!
 
Bag it or board it up? Even though the story and setting are a bit "all over the place," this comic is still a blast to read. The general conceit of the book may be something we've seen before, but i's an easy problem to forgive when the story and artwork (by Juan Ferreyra, artist of Colder) are this good. I'm excited to see where this story goes, and I will definitely be following along. 
 
Strain_FallThe Strain: The Fall No. 3
 
The story about vampires with giant, pointy, deadly tongues is back thanks to Guillermo Del Toro and Chuck Hogan. In this miniseries the evil vampires have taken over Manhattan and are looking to extend their reach. Traditionally vampires can't cross over running water, but after finding a loophole via the subway system things look grim for the world. Now an ex-luchador and the normal gang of investigators are on the case.
 
Bag it or board it up? Another great issue in a series that keeps on ticking. This is the type of comic that delights in stringing the reader along just as much as it takes pleasure in gore or scares. I, for one, am definitely along for the ride.
 

Buzzkill

Buzzkill No. 1
 
What do you do if you have a substance abuse problem… which is also the root of all of your super powers? That's the question this dark and dreary comic asks right off the bat. It's the story of Ruben, a superhero who gets his crazy powers from becoming falling-down drunk. He's done some bad things, he's probably also saved the world… if only he could remember.
 
Bag it or board it up? This is not your average superhero story. I'm including it here because A) it's wonderful and B) it's very dark and un-superhero-like. This is a story about loss, regret, power, and evil mutant super villains. Works for me.
 
XFiles10The X-Files: Season 10 No. 4
 
The series revitalization continues with X-Files: Season 10. Picking up after the films, this comic follows Scully and Mulder as a huge and personal mystery begins to unfold. Scully's child is missing, she's being led around by a mysterious guy named Deacon, and Mulder can't find her anywhere. People are acting strange, and it's all set Yellowstone National Park. Can Scully find her child? Can Mulder find Scully?
 
Bag it or board it up? I'm torn. I'm really happy that this exists. I love when great old series (like Buffy) get a new life thanks to comics. But I'm not sure if anything really happened in this issue. Aside from a shocking ending, the whole comic feels like it's spinning its wheels until something cool happens. This is X-Files, we shouldn't have to wait that long for something cool to happen!

Dancing With Death: Ballerina Dances on Knives

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So this isn't normally the kind of thing we would post on FEARnet, but ballet hasn't been this scary since Black Swan. Artist Javier Perez filmed ballerina Amelie Segarra dancing en pointe on knives. Pointe shoes take months just to learn to stand in; imagine doing it on the tip of a knife. 

There are a few reasons I thought that FEARnet readers would be interested in this. First, it sounds like it would make an amazing Saw trap. Second, the short film - only three and a half minutes long - is loaded with danger. I'm sure there were plenty of safety measures in place, but it looks like she could fall and kill herself at any second. I sure didn't want to see that happen, but there was a morbid curiosity there. And third, the film is beautiful and tense. The cavernous theater, the quick edits that ramp up the longer she dances, had me on edge more than any horror movie in a very long time.

Watch This 1968 Documentary on the Making of 'Rosemary's Baby'

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Rosemary1
 
An undisputed classic of horror cinema, Roman Polanski's Rosemary's Baby, which marked its 45th anniversary this year, belongs in any serious film fan's collection. While DVD and Blu-ray releases have included archival footage from the production in their bonus features, the short film Mia and Roman– which was released in 1968 after Rosemary wrapped – is the most interesting snapshot of the period in which the film was made.
 
Recently showcased on the blog Dangerous Minds, the 23-minute documentary, directed by Shahrokh Hatami, covers every aspect of the production – from Polanski's meticulous directing method to Farrow's eccentric take on her very challenging role. It includes candid interviews and personal anecdotes about the director and actors, offering some fascinating insights and humorous (or sometimes just plain goofy) moments.
 
You can watch the entire documentary here:
 

These Body Parts Look Good Enough to Eat... Because They Are!

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Parts2
 
You don't have to be a zombie to savor these grisly severed limbs (although we're certainly not prejudiced against zombies around here), because they're actually made of yummy chocolate candy.
 
Parts1
 
These grisly confections by Emmylou Cakehead of All Mine Patisserie (recently previewed at Neatorama) are just some of the gory goodies to be featured in the “Eat Your Heart Out” Halloween pop-up cake shop in London this Halloween, where this year's theme is “Feed the Beast.”
 
Parts3Parts4
 
You can view more grisly goodies, including the edible heart and thumb shown above, at the All Mine Patisserie Facebook page.

UGLYDOLL Joins Forces with Universal Monsters! (Plus 5 Other Fun Monster Mash-Up Toys)

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Monster_Header
 
The origin story of the UGLYDOLL brand, a line of cute yet odd-looking creations that were quite literally born out of love, is about as romantic as the story from The Notebook. David Horvath and Sun-Min Kim are not just the co-creators of the line, but also a happily married couple, and the idea for the dolls was inspired by a drawing David whipped up in a letter he sent to his then-girlfriend, who at the time was living far away from him. To make a long story short, Sun-Min Kim ended up sewing together the very first proto-UGLYDOLL, bringing David’s drawing to life as a surprise gift. With that bit of handcrafted collaboration and inspiration, the UGLYDOLL brand was born in 2001.
 
Now, over a decade later, the brand is stronger and more successful than ever; that original DIY doll has spawned hundreds of adorable little friends, oodles of spin-off products such as vinyl toys, and even an upcoming animated feature film. Just a few months back, the brand announced one of its most significant achievements to date: a partnership with Universal Studios that promises to deliver a line of Uglydolls inspired by some of the studio’s most iconic movie monsters. And guess what? Just in time for the Halloween season, they have arrived!
 
The mash-up between the two brands can only be described as a natural fit, given the monstrous nature of the dolls and the fact that the creators are actually such big fans of the Universal Monsters that they named their first child after a character from Dracula. A match made in monster heaven, to say the least!
 
Each of the six dolls in the line depict the most popular UGLYDOLL characters as Universal Monsters, blending the two brands together in a way that’ll make you fall in love with your favorite monsters all over again. Here’s the full roster of mashed-up characters:
 
Monster1
 
TOP: Ox as The Wolf Man, Ice-Bat as Dracula, Big Toe as The Creature from the Black Lagoon
BOTTOM: Tray as Bride of Frankenstein, Wedgehead as Frankenstein, Babo as The Mummy
 
These unique new dolls can now be found online and in stores, and are selling for around $20 apiece. Be sure to snatch ‘em up while ya can!
 
But why stop the fun right there? Let’s take a look at five other fun monster mash-up toys while we’re at it!
 
Monster2
 
We announced back in April that Hot Wheels and Universal were working together on these monster-themed cars, all of which are now available on store shelves. Each of the six most iconic Universal Monsters have been given their very own cars, officially licensed vehicles that evoke the spirit of each of the characters... only in car form. Not an easy task, but Hot Wheels somehow managed to pull it off, with each car quite fittingly embodying each of the monsters. I always did peg The Wolf Man as a van kinda guy…
 
Monster3
 
One of my favorite toy lines of all time resulted from the bizarre fusion of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and the Universal Monsters, a decision Playmates made in 1993 after they had pretty much run out of ideas for the mega popular Turtles line. The idea spawned two different series, and saw Donatello turning into Dracula, Michelangelo into both Frankenstein and The Invisible Man, Leonardo into The Wolf Man and The Creature, and Raphael into The Mummy and This Island Earth’s Metaluna Mutant. April O’Neil even underwent a makeover in the second series, becoming The Bride of Frankenstein. Certainly one of the more bizarre yet totally awesome mash-ups the toy world has ever seen!
 
Monster4
 
Ghostbusters also got in on the monster mash-up fun in the '80s, with Kenner putting out a series of monster-inspired action figures in their line of toys based on the cartoon series The Real Ghostbusters. Though not officially licensed (thus why they’re simply labeled "Monsters"), the line was comprised of five popular Universal Monsters characters, as well as a generic zombie. The characters never actually appeared in the series, and the toys were presumably created to cash in on the undying popularity of Universal’s most iconic characters.
 
Monster5
 
Back in 2010, toy company Funko released these mini Star Wars bobbleheads, which saw the most popular characters from the franchise running head-on into popular movie monsters. Though another product that wasn’t officially licensed by Universal, the inspiration is clear, with Darth Vader being mashed together with Frankenstein and Chewbacca being paired up with The Wolf Man, naturally. A second wave of these was also put out, which featured a Tusken Raider as The Mummy, among others.
 
Monster6
 
Finally, we have one of the more creative monster mash-ups I’ve ever seen: a line of toys that blends the worlds of fictional monsters and… real-life Presidents? Two series of Presidential Monsters have thus far been put out, with another two on the way. We saw a president battling monsters in Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, but in this line the presidents actually are the monsters. Included in the first two series were characters like Baracula, Lincolnstein and Monster from the Watergate Lagoon, and the two upcoming series will expand the line with Yeti Roosevelt and General Eisenhowler, to name just a few. "Hail to the Chief?" More like "Hail to the Creeps!"
 
If you know of any other fun monster mash-up toys such as these, drop a comment below and let us know!

FEARnet Movie Review: 'Proxy'

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proxyIt's only because the phrase "the horror version of Paul Thomas Anderson's Magnolia" popped into my head three or four times during the excellent new horror film Proxy that I feel comfortable bringing it up here. That certainly sounds like a glib and lofty piece of praise for a bizarre indie thriller that starts out darkly compelling and slowly grows more unpredictable every fifteen minutes, but the surface-level comparison seems to fit. Much like the strange and challenging Magnolia, Proxy starts with one offbeat story -- and then branches off into a variety of darkly fascinating directions.

 
We open with the sad story of Esther Woodhouse, a very pregnant woman who is brutally beaten on her way home from a doctor's appointment. Following her physical recuperation, Esther is advised to attend a support group for women dealing with child-related tragedies, and that's where she meets Melanie Michaels, who was also the victim of a shocking tragedy. As the two wounded women build a tentative friendship, the viewer starts to catch a few discrepancies in each of the characters' stories: Esther has a lesbian lover with some serious anger issues; the sweet-natured Melanie obviously has some psychological scars and perhaps a skeleton or two in her closet.
 
Much of the artistry of Proxy comes in the form of revelations that the viewer should discover for themselves, but what director Zack Parker and his co-writer Kevin Donner have put together here is a shocking tale of tragedy that's frequently brilliant in the way it A) subverts expectations, B) keeps a viewer guessing, and C) offers powerful food-for-thought on how issues like love, loyalty, commitment, misery, and sympathy, and empathy can be as addicting as alcohol, cocaine, and nicotine. Virtually all of these characters do terrible things, but thanks to a razor-sharp screenplay and a superlative cast, Proxy is both an indictment of the human condition and an unflinching morality tale that indicates how sad and fractured we all are at the worst moments of our lives.
 
The female leads (Alexia Rasmussen as Esther; Alex Havins as Melanie; Kristina Klebe as the outraged Anika) are simply excellent across the board, especially when one considers the sort of emotional weight they're asked to carry. The only male in the cast of any major importance is Melanie's laconic husband Patrick, who doesn't show up until halfway through the film but provides an insidious counterpoint to the female characters. (He's played by indie veteran Joe Swanberg, and this may be one of the prolific actor's finest performances.)
 
And to those who may be skeptical or hesitant after hearing that Proxy runs over 125 minutes, as I certainly was, you can rest easy. Mr. Parker and his team have created a frank and sometimes devastating thriller about the nature of mental illness, the ironic dangers in lying to people who trust you, and the freakish lunacy that may lie beneath the surface of even the mostly normal-looking people. This is a great horror film.
 

READ FEARnet's PARTNER REVIEWS OF PROXY


FEARnet Movie Review: 'Grand Piano'

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Let's get this colorfully simple statement out of the way right now: the slick, stylish, and admirably fast-paced thriller called Grand Piano could easily be described as "Phone Booth in a concert hall" -- except that it's quite a bit better than that. That description just makes for some easy short-hand in the early part of a film review that (hopefully) serves to pique your interest. Because make no mistake: Grand Piano is simply a whole lot a "high concept" entertainment with a welcome sense of character, timing, restraint, and cleverness. Also great music. And a few sequences that you Hitchcock and/or De Palma fans will truly adore.

For those who may be unfamiliar with the term "high concept," here's a perfect example of one: Tom Selznick (Elijah Wood, whom it is literally impossible to not love) is one of the world's finest pianists, but he's back on stage after a devastating professional failure and a five-year hiatus from performing. His plan is to play a very swanky concert in Chicago, with full orchestral support, on a very special piano, regain some confidence, and move on to happier times. No pressure on Tom, right? Let's not forget that he's married to a monumentally-adored Hollywood actress AND that most of his fellow musicians legitimately dislike the guy.

Let's just say it's easy to root for Tom Selznick long before he takes the stage, tickles the ivories, and discovers that there's a sniper in the concert hall who is pointing a rifle directly at his wife.

That's "high concept," all the way like Phone Booth had a man trapped in a tiny glass case and Speed had "the bus that couldn't slow down," Grand Piano has a world-class pianist who is forced to play flawlessly or have his wife gunned down by a madman with a truly strange motive. To say anything more would rob the viewer of the numerous twists and jolts found within Damien Chazelle's screenplay, but if the set-up sounds amusing to you already, I can attest that the presentation is even better.

Director Eugenio Mira is clearly intent on giving his audience a visual feast to go along with the lovely music and the slowly mounting suspense. The cinematography is simply beautiful in many of the quieter scenes, but as the music and the intensity build to a feverish finale, the viewer is treated to a wide variety of camera tricks and visual flourishes that add style, class, and energy to a concept could easily come off as dry, dull, or silly.

In addition to a calm but obvious sense of humor surrounding the entire concept, Mr. Mira also has a fantastic cast to work with: in addition to the always affable Elijah Wood (who pulls off some fantastic physical tricks in the movie!), we also have the veteran character actor Don McManus as a colorful conductor with a good heart, old-school movie geek favorite Alex Winter as a security guard with a few secrets to hide, the warm and adorable Kelly Bishe as Tom's loving wife, and (mostly) the malevolent voice of John Cusack as the sniper with a serious grudge.

Proof positive that simple "crowd-pleaser" thrillers can be produced on relatively smaller budgets and still hit the screen looking like well-crafted Hollywood fare, Grand Piano is nothing more than 90 minutes of quick, slick, and disarmingly classy fun. The "sniper in a concert hall" may sound like a bit of a stretch, but let's just say the "thriller" shelf would be a lot more interesting if half the movies were as well-made as Grand Piano.

 

READ FEARnet's PARTNER REVIEWS OF GRAND PIANO

FEARnet Movie Review: 'We Are What We Are' (2013)

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Few film genres can take steady aim at "organized religion" like the horror genre does. In the hands of clever filmmakers, our collective fixation on the power of religion can result in films as varied as The Exorcist, The Woman, and Jug Face. (That last one is worth checking out, trust me.) And while we find that religion is actually the hero in most of the occult-flavored horror films, it is most assuredly the villain when we're dealing with symbolism, metaphor, and intelligent screenplays. The excellent new horror film We Are What We Are is not exactly an attack on any specific religion, but it is a trenchant and fascinating indictment of the ways in which religion can brainwash and poison even the most innocent of souls.
 
Based on the 2010 Mexican horror film of the same name, We Are What We Are comes from director/co-writer Jim Mickle, whom the astute horror fans will remember from Mulberry St. (2006) and Stake Land (2010), and while one hates to "compare" a remake to its predecessor, there's enough quality here to allow for such a comparison. To start with, this is an actual remake. The central premise remains the same, but Mickle and co-writer Nick Damici do all they can to make this version their own: most of the characters have switched genders; the focus is more on the kids than on the parents; and here there's a truly well-crafted subplot that involves a local doctor who slowly comes to realize that his neighbors are ... cannibals.
 
Ah, yes. We Are What We Are is a film about a family of cannibals who seem reasonably civilized -- if a bit weird -- on the outside, but behind closed doors they eat a lot of human flesh. As the film opens, the mama of the flesh-eaters suffers a stroke and drops dead in the street -- which leaves two pre-teen daughters and a little boy in the hands of a stern and devout patriarch who clearly has no idea how to deal with his adolescent daughters. Suffice to say that this family unit is crumbling. It seems that the Parker clan has thrived for generations while somehow keeping their cannibalistic -- and murderous -- activities a secret, but with the unexpected death of their mother, the modern-day Parkers are truly facing extinction.
 
Like most of the finest indie horror films (even ones that are remakes), We Are What We Are is less about "faith-based cannibalism" and more about what "faith-based cannibalism" represents. Overly devout or unyielding religious laws are clearly one of the film's targets, but so are themes regarding love, loyalty, faith, morality, and (the best part) the good old question of "nature vs. nurture." Are we born good and then learn evil? Or are we born a blank slate on which anything can be written? What happens when basic human decency does battle with the evil things a child is taught?
 
There's a lot of thematic material to chew on here, just as there is in the original We Are What We Are, but this is also one of the most quietly impressive Amercan indie horror films of the past few years. Not only is it wonderfully shot and crisply edited, but the cast is simply aces across the board. The prolific character actor Bill Sage is effortlessly menacing (and virtually unrecognizable) as the psychologically crumbling Frank Parker; the young ladies playing the wildly different Parker sisters (Julia Garner & Ambyr Childers) are both excellent; and of course there are small but well-conceived roles for veterans like Kelly McGillis and the always-cool Michael Parks.
 
What's particularly impressive about We Are What We Are is what it changes (which is a lot) and what it chooses to keep; the central core of both films is very similar and yet fascinating for different reasons. The film also boasts strong essentials in the cinematography and score departments, while Mr. Mickle acts as his own editor, and the result is two disparate subplots that slowly converge in clever and intense fashion. This is a sober and serious horror tale, but it does remember to include some jolts, scares, and seriously bloody bits, too. It's just a tight little package, all told.
 
Best of all, those who don't even realize this is a remake will enjoy a dark, intelligent, challenging, and consistently unpredictable piece of genre filmmaking. It's a rare beast indeed: an indie remake of an imported horror movie that works as not only a compliment to the original, but also as an impressive complement.
 

READ FEARnet's PARTNER REVIEWS OF WE ARE WHAT WE ARE

FEARnet Movie Review: 'Afflicted'

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Just when you're sure the "found footage" horror hook has snatched its final breath... up pops another really good example to remind us that, yep, there really is some craftsmanship and creativity to be found in this storytelling format. I freely admit to being a big fan of the found footage presentation, and just because I've seen dozens of really awful examples, that's not going to keep me from digging into movies like Afflicted.

You'll probably hear this a lot when Afflicted comes up, so let's get it out of the way now: yes, this film feels almost like a companion piece to the oddly appealing "found footage superhero" film known as Chronicle. Both movies deal with a group of friends who discover some crazily superhuman new powers, use handheld video cameras to document their exciting new powers, and then grow to realize that Mother Nature is nothing but a cruel and ironic woman. But while Chronicle dealt with three pals who stumble across "super powers," Afflicted focuses on two lifelong friends who are forced to deal with a transformation decidedly less appealing than that of a "superhero." I don't want to spoil anything; let's just say that Afflicted is a very novel spin on a potentially familiar horror story and leave the specifics for the viewer to enjoy.

Co-written, co-starring, and co-directed by two plainly talented young filmmakers named Clif Prowse and Derek Lee, Afflicted is about two lifelong pals who decide to spend a year traveling across the globe while documenting their adventures on their blog. But Derek has a disturbing altercation with a beautiful young lady in Barcelona, and it doesn't take long for the audience to realize that Derek is now "afflicted" with a seriously effed-up medical problem. After a chatty but appealing first act, Afflicted gets down to some seriously interesting genre exercises in Act II before settling into a finale that's quite a lot of fast-paced (and sometimes very splattery) fun.

The astute genre fans will no doubt recognize a few of the inspirations here. In addition to Chronicle, Afflicted taps into themes and ideas that are also found in An American Werewolf in London, The Lost Boys, even David Cronenberg's rendition of The Fly. That's not to compare Afflicted to any of these very good movies, but it's comforting to know that Mr. Prowse and Mr. Lee are not only impressive filmmakers in a technical sense; they also have really good taste in horror movies.

Afflicted is simply a very clever spin on a very old and scary story, but what makes it a bit more impressive than that is how it illustrates how cool "found footage" can be when it's done with serious care and craftsmanship. As a survivor of more low-budget found-footage flicks than I can count, I take great pleasure in finding a new one that advances the technique instead of simply treading old ground. Basically, Afflicted is a great example of what can happen when high-tech, high concept, and old-fashioned scary storytelling are combined into one little ass-kicker of a horror film.

Best of all, Prowse and Lee seem to realize that no amount of creative camerawork or nifty special effects will matter if you don't have some characters worth caring about. Afflicted is a truly impressive debut: clever, creative, and (yep!) seriously creepy stuff that should please horror nuts and relative scaredy-cats in equal measure.

 

READ FEARnet's PARTNER REVIEWS OF AFFLICTED

Katatonia: 'Dethroned & Uncrowned'– Album Review

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Katatonia_2013
Sweden's acclaimed masters of dark, moody, melodic metal scored a major career milestone last year with the release of their ninth album Dead End Kings (be sure to check out our review). That record's dreamy, gothic atmosphere brought a taste of dark winter nights to the height of summer, and solidified the band's niche in a subgenre they've nicknamed “sorrowful metal.” While that handle might imply their music is something of a downer, it's really all a matter of perspective. While the term “Gothic” gets thrown around free and loose when it comes to metal, I consider Katatonia's recent work to be Gothic in the purest sense, calling to mind the pitch-black romanticism saturating the verse of Edgar Allan Poe. A perfect example is this video for the track “Lethean,” one of the best cuts from that album, and one which for me captures the same beautifully grim sensibility as Poe's tragic poems like “Annabel Lee.”
 
 
In my review, I pointed out how the magical, otherworldly atmosphere of Dead End Kings comes from a balance of pensive, layered atmospheres and massive, majestic riffs. But with the heavier elements removed for the companion album Dethroned & Uncrowned, I now realize how much of that magic came from the simple, dark beauty of the songwriting, now revealed without the stacked heavy guitars and thunderous rhythms that gave such epic weight to the original. Katatonia founder & guitarist Anders Nyström instead chose to “place the emphasis on the many layers of ambiance, with the melodies staying central and the vocal harmonies representing the heart of the album.”
 
Katatonia_Dethroned
 
Much of the richness of the earlier songs remains intact, however, with the strings, synths and layered vocal elements of opening tracks "The Parting" given more room to explore, and a soulful piano becomes the backbone of "Hypnone." Where once were full orchestra and the rolling thunder of low, monolithic metal riffs, instead we hear a single plaintive cello behind frontman Jonas Renkse in "The One You Are Looking For Is Not Here," with the female vocals of Silje Wergeland (of The Gathering) joining in an intense and passionate chorus. Similarly, the power of tracks like "Buildings,” which earlier came mostly from an explosion of stacked riffage, now comes through as a tight merging of piano and strummed acoustic guitar.
 
The jazz inflections of "Leech" are still recognizable, though now carried by piano, and the odd but infectious chord progression of "Undo You" keeps its emotional weight thanks to some goosebump-raising vocal harmonies, which also give poetic potency to the gorgeous "First Prayer." Even when not multi-tracked, Renkse's clean and pure vocals carry tracks like "The Racing Heart" to almost ecstatic levels, even in the midst of a doomy symphonic landscape. Like its predecessor, Dethroned ends with one of the band's strongest songs, "Dead Letters," here offering some of the album's few treated vocals along with some moody backing on jazz organ, flute, and hypnotic synth strings.
 
As a long-time Katatonia fan, I'll admit to some bias in this review... but frankly I'm still reeling a year later from amazement at Dead End Kings, and while that may seem a nearly impossible act to follow, this more progressive, intimate examination of the same material allows those moody, masterful melodies to return like the welcome colors of Fall.
 
Speaking of which: Katatonia is kicking off a brief but intense North American Fall tour today (co-headlining with Cult of Luna), which Renkse says will feature “some of our hidden gems, songs that we haven't yet picked up or rarely have played live before.” You can get the most current list of dates and venues at their official siteBut before you go, take a listen to the haunting track "The One You Are Looking For Is Not Here"...
 

 

Gas Mask Military Man Haunts the Swiss Woods

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On the heels of last week's haunting clown sightings in Britain comes the tale of Le Loyon, a mysterious figure who seems to be haunting the western forests of Switzerland.

Reports of Le Loyon have circulated amongst the locals for the last decade, but it wasn't until about a month ago that someone was able to snap a photo of him. Unlike the chupacabra or bigfoot, Le Loyon is a real human being - which may make him even scarier. Eyewitnesses have said that the man wears a military cape, boots, and an army-issue gas mask. He is said to walk the same path every day, and has been seen with a bouquet of flowers on at least one occasion. There have been no reports of this man being violent or aggressive - usually he just stares at people he comes across - but he is scaring children and families are no longer going into the woods, and describe encounters with him as "unpleasant."

Theories range from Le Loyon being mentally ill, or suffering a skin condition, to simply being some kind of hermit or survivalist. Authorities are keen to speak to the mystery man. "The situation is delicate because we basically have nothing against this person," said Guy Savary, the municipal official in charge of forests. "But since he arouses these fears, we are going to hold meeting to see if we can find a way of locating him, and discouraging him from behaving as he does."

Which would scare you more? A silent, staring clown, or a silent, staring man in a gas mask? Either way, I think I am going to stay off the European continent for awhile.

Source: The Australian

Man Forgets to Check for Monsters, Misses Giant Crocodile Under His Bed

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When you were little, were you afraid of monsters under the bed? Did you ask Mom or Dad to double-check before bedtime, just to make sure nothing was lurking under there?
 
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We're pretty sure Guy Whitall, director of a safari lodge in Zimbabwe, didn't perform that childhood ritual before turning out the light... because if he had, he would have spotted his uninvited roommate: an 8-foot, 330-pound Nile crocodile.
 
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He never even knew it was hiding there... until he was eating breakfast the next morning and heard the maid scream.
 
"I think he liked it under the bed because it was warm,” he later told the UK's Daily Mail. "The really disconcerting thing about the whole episode is the fact that I was sitting on the edge of the bed that morning, barefoot and just centimeters away.”
 
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With some help from the lodge staff, the surprise guest was eventually escorted back to his home in the nearby Turgwe River.
 
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Brain-Eating Parasites Find Their Way Into Drinking Water

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Not too long ago we shared a terrifying story about a parasitic amoeba called Naegleria fowleri that feeds on human brains. It's a rare occurrence, but one which until recently (more on that below) has almost always been fatal. Now the same deadly microbe has been found in the water supply of Bernard Parish in Louisiana... and it may have taken another life.
 
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According to CNN, the water in Bernard, along the Gulf Coast southeast of New Orleans, was tested by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention after the death of a young boy from amoebic meningitis. Testing found the chlorine levels in the water too low to kill the parasite.
 
Now before you start freaking out, the CDC states that the water is still safe to drink and cook with, but they do advise against getting it up your nose. You can find additional info and safety tips at CDC.gov.
 
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At least there's some good news to report: an experimental drug has recently been found effective in fighting the amoeba, as proven in the case of the 12-year-old boy in Arkansas who recovered after being infected by the parasite at a water park this summer.

12 Planned Horror Movie Remakes That Haven't Happened (Yet)

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For many horror fans, the word "remake" tends to send chills up the spine more than ghosts, goblins and gore ever could. Intense hatred of remakes is common among the genre community, as an influx of them in the past decade has left fans yearning for the days when filmmakers were still coming up with original ways to scare us. It seems that pretty much every horror movie we love has either already been remade or is on the ol' remake chopping block – to the point where it’s getting hard to rattle off a list of films that haven’t been remade by now. Try it sometime; you might be surprised.
 
That being said, I hope today to instill in you some small sense of comfort by showing you that just because a studio wants to remake a movie, it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s going to happen. If the big studios had their way, the list of horror movies that got the remake treatment would be even longer than it already is. A frightening thought, for sure. So let’s breathe a big ol' sigh of relief and take a look at twelve horror films that were on their way to being remade... but ended up getting spared!
 
AWIL
 
An American Werewolf in London
 
In the summer of 2009, right around the time the film was gearing up to make its Blu-ray debut, John Landis revealed that Dimension Films was looking to acquire the rights to An American Werewolf in London, with the intention of remaking it. We learned about a year later that the remake was on the fast track, with The Number 23 writer Fernley Phillips attached to give the tale a modern-day upgrade. It was announced at one point that the remake would be in 3D. Werewolves the world over let out joyful howls when other commitments resulted in Dimension scrapping their plans. (I can’t help but picture a hideous-looking CG transformation scene when I think about this one.)
 
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The Blob
 
Though many years ago he stated he had no interest in remaking someone else’s movie, Rob Zombie of course threw that idea out the window in 2007 when he remade Halloween. A couple of years later, Zombie announced he would be writing and directing a remake of The Blob, a film that already got the remake treatment once before, in 1988. Zombie said he planned on writing the script during a music tour at the tail end of that year, and that he had a totally different take on the source material and would be putting a much darker spin on the story of the gelatinous monster. He ultimately decided he didn’t want to make another remake, and shelved the idea in favor of directing The Lords of Salem (say what you want about that one, but at least it was original). 
 
Fly
 
The Fly
 
Another film that almost got a second remake was The Fly, with both Apparition director Todd Lincoln and horror legend David Cronenberg interested. Lincoln was attached to the project in 2003, intent on making a dark and twisted re-imagining with a heavy focus on practical effects, but Fox wasn’t interested in the ideas he pitched to them. Years later he opened up and revealed that the studio wanted to essentially remake Cronenberg’s 1986 version with teen stars in the lead roles, and that his idea for a fresh new take on the subject matter was just not what they were looking for. As for Cronenberg, he ended up writing a script a few years later that would essentially serve as a pseudo-sequel to his remake of the 1958 film, which Fox also swatted down. Not a peep has been heard of the fate of their Fly remake in the last couple of years... and I think it’s pretty safe to say that no matter what direction they end up going with it, it’ll never be as awesome as whatever Cronenberg had in mind.
 
Gate
 
The Gate
 
One of my personal favorite films found itself on the chopping block in 2009, when Bill & Ted star Alex Winter announced that he would be directing a 3D remake of the 1987 classic The Gate. Apparently the initial plan was to make a new sequel to the original (ignoring the events of the lackluster 1990 follow-up), but it was ultimately decided that it’d be a straight-up remake. A few pieces of concept art were released onto the Internet (more on that here), and the plan was for it to be shot in Germany in 2010. Winter recently put his focus on making a documentary about Napster, and though he still talks about this project from time to time, it’s been a few years since anything has been officially reported about it. For now, this Gate remains unopened.
 
Hellraiser
 
Hellraiser
 
It was back in 2006 that Dimension Films first announced they were looking to remake Hellraiser, and the project has been on-again/off-again since then. Creative differences between the talent and studio began when scripts from the makers of both Inside and Feast were rejected. From there, Martyrs director Pascal Laugier was attached to direct, but he apparently wanted to make a much darker and more serious film than Dimension had in mind (because, ya know, Hellraiser shouldn’t be dark and serious). After Laugier left the project, My Bloody Valentine 3D writing/directing duo Todd Farmer & Patrick Lussier were brought on board, and the plan was for them to write the film together, which Lussier would direct; their idea was to expand on things Clive Barker presented in the 1987 original rather than remake it. Despite several versions of their script, Dimension never saw eye-to-eye with the two, and Farmer announced in 2011 that they were no longer involved. Since then, all has been quiet on the Hellraiser front (unless you count the release of Hellraiser: Revelations in 2011, which Dimension reportedly slapped together for the sole purpose of retaining the rights to the property... and boy, does it show.)
 
Martyrs
 
Martyrs
 
Speaking of Laugier: his 2008 film Martyrs almost got Americanized a few years ago, with Last Exorcism director Daniel Stamm attached to direct, and Vacancy writer Mark L. Smith penning the script. The most concerning bit of news to come out of the whole ordeal was that Twilight producer Wyck Godfrey would be producing, and that Kristen Stewart was apparently interested in starring. Stamm also talked about how the film would offer up a glimmer of hope at the end, rather than being as bleak as Laugier’s original – another aspect of the project that left fans incredibly concerned. The remake never got off the ground, which is probably for the best, considering all signs were pointing to it being a total failure. Martyrs is just not the kind of film that could ever be effectively remade for an American audience without taking away everything that was so good about it... like the bleakness, and the brutal, unflinching horror.
 
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The Monster Squad
 
We found out back in 2010 that The Monster Squad producer Rob Cohen was interested in directing a remake of the fan-favorite film, which was to be produced by Platinum Dunes and Paramount. Though James Gunn’s brother and cousin, Brian and Mark, wrote what Cohen described as a “great script,” he recently revealed that Paramount got cold feet about the film, and were holding off on going forward with the project. “I’m hoping that one day we just get a call that they’ve finally seen the light of day,” said Cohen last year. For now, that day has yet to come. I attended a screening of The Monster Squad a few years back with director Fred Dekker doing a Q&A beforehand, and he talked about the remake, essentially saying that he wasn’t worried about it because there was no way they’d be able to make that movie nowadays, in light of Universal's strict rules about licensing the likenesses of their monsters. (I can’t help but wonder if that’s been the reason for Paramount’s cold feet.)
 
MotelHell
 
Motel Hell
 
MGM expressed interest in bringing Farmer Vincent and his delicious fritters back to the screen in 2007, with a remake of Motel Hell set to come out in October of the following year. The rights to the film then ended up at Twisted Pictures (known for the Saw franchise), before reverting back to MGM after the folks at Twisted couldn’t come up with a script that they felt comfortable moving forward with. Back in MGM’s hands, Automaton Transfusion director Steven C. Miller was attached to direct the remake in 2009, which was going to keep the quirkiness of the original film while telling what was described as a “more cohesive story.”  Miller went on to direct the Silent Night, Deadly Night remake, and it seems that Motel Hell found itself in development hell.
 
NearDark
 
Near Dark
 
When it comes to vampire movies, it doesn’t get much better than Near Dark, so it’s no surprise that the 1987 film nearly got a remake a few years back, when vamps were all the rage. Platinum Dunes was set to produce the project, which oddly enough got derailed by the massive success of the film that spawned all the vampire love: Twilight. How so, you ask? Well, according to producer Brad Fuller, the two films were far too similar from a story standpoint: “I think Twilight was the same type of thing we were going for,” said Fuller. Despite both featuring a vampire and a human falling in love, I wouldn’t exactly consider Near Dark and Twilight to be similar, but I for one was very thankful to Twilight for driving a stake through the project – especially if Platinum Dunes intended on turning it into something that resembled the love story between Edward and Bella. So for once, let’s all be thankful for the existence of Twilight!
 
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Pet Sematary
 
Rumors of a Pet Sematary remake have been circulating for many years now, with various different writers, directors and stars being linked to the project. At one point George Clooney was rumored to be starring, and at another Guillermo Del Toro had allegedly expressed interest in directing. What we know for sure is that Blood Creek writer David Kajganich penned an early draft of a script several years ago, which Paramount rejected because they wanted the film to appeal to a younger audience. After he left, he was replaced by 1408 scribe Matthew Greenberg, who was said to be working on the screenplay in 2010. About a year later, High Tension/The Hills Have Eyes director Alexandre Aja was in talks with Paramount to direct the film, with Greenberg still tapped to write... and that’s the last we’ve heard of it.  The project seems to be dead in the water at this point, and if the original film taught us anything, it’s that dead is sometimes better!
 
Scanners
 
Scanners
 
Back in 2007, we learned that the Weinstein Company and Dimension Films were planning a remake of David Cronenberg’s Scanners, the 1981 movie most known for that epic head explosion scene that we all just love to watch GIFs of. Blade and Dark City scribe David S. Goyer was signed on to write, with Saw 2-4 director Darren Lynn Bousman directing. At the time, an October 17, 2008 release date was planned – a date that of course came and went without any exploding heads on the big screen. Last we heard, Dimension was working on turning the movie into a TV series – a show that Alexandre Aja was going to executive produce, and possibly direct the pilot. Just like the movie, that project also seems to have been shelved.
 
Suspiria
 
Suspiria
 
Finally, 2008 saw the announcement that a Suspiria remake was in production, with Pineapple Express director David Gordon Green in the director’s seat. According to Green, his remake was going to be faithful to Dario Argento’s original, only set in an all-girls boarding school, rather than a ballet academy. Early in the proceedings, Natalie Portman was apparently interested in starring; Portman of course went on to appear in the similarly themed 2010 hit Black Swan. Green in fact cited that film for inspiring him to do something different with his own movie – he wanted to focus on younger characters rather than older ones – and in 2012 it was announced that Orphan’s Isabelle Fuhram would be playing the lead role. Budgetary and legal issues plagued the project for years, and Green put the final nail in the coffin earlier this year, when he revealed that the project was dead... at least for now. He said he wanted to make an elegant, graphic and classy horror film, though nobody in Hollywood was interested in doing the same. I'm actually kind of bummed about this one; as a huge fan of the original, Green seemed the perfect man for the job, and wanted to do it the proper justice.
 
So... which of these remakes would you like to see happen someday? Which ones are you glad about never finding their way in front of the cameras? Comment below and let us know!

Gift Guide: 'A Brain is For Eating' Children's Book

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Human kids have books that teach them everything from the alphabet to pooping. Why shouldn't the undead kids have their own book? That is where A Brain is for Eating by Dan and Amelia Jacobs comes in. Described as "A book for zombie children that teaches the little walking undead how to find their next meal," A Brain is for Eating teaches zombie kids about things like the zombie food pyramid (it's all brains) and why it's okay to eat a liver, lung, or even a spleen. Illustrations by Scott Brundage really tie the book together.

$19.99 at ABrainIsForEating.com

'Cheap Thrills' Outrageous Dares At Fantastic Fest 2013

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As usual, some crazy shenanigans are going down this weekend in Austin, Texas as part of the annual Fantastic Fest. Among them? Director E.L. Katz and stars Pat Healy, Ethan Embry, and David Koechner of 'Cheap Thrills' dare someone in the audience to get the title of the film tattooed on their body. Is someone up to the challenge? Watch for the answer!  

 

Fan-Made Horror Trading Cards: Collect 'Em All!

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Okay, so maybe we're fibbing a little bit; you probably can't collect or trade most of the horror-themed cards in the “Nightmares on Cardboard” collection at the blog Thorzul Will Rule– because for the most part they're fan creations made just for fun. But that doesn't make them any less cool.
 
BelaPennywise
 
While the bulk of Thorzul's collection is comprised of legit baseball cards, he's also introduced several series of horror-themed cards.
 
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In addition to movie monsters and screen slashers, Thorzul's macabre galleries also include “monsterized” versions of real sports stars and movie monsters depicted as ball players.
 
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There are even mockup cards for literary figures like Edgar Allan Poe, and all-star filmmakers like George Romero.
 
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Of course the flipsides of many of these cards feature clever character stats, which often include “kill counts,” preferred weapons & tactics, and trivia.
 
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One of the most creative entries in the collection is this 3D Carrie card, with a dripping layer of blood:
 
 

This Fire-Breathing Dragon is Officially the World's Largest Robot

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Dragon
 
In the Bavarian town of Furth im Wald, the centerpiece in the annual production of "Drachenstich” – one of the oldest plays in German history – is a really big dragon. For the past three decades, the beast was played by a hollow model, with four human operators inside. But the producers decided a while back that the design needed a 21st-century upgrade, so they turned to robotics company Zollner Elektronik AG to build a completely automated version. The result is totally metal, in every sense of the word.
 
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Measuring over 50 feet long, with a 40-foot wingspan and weighing over eleven tons, the new model nabbed the World Record for the largest walking robot ever built. The radio-controlled, diesel-powered behemoth walks and breathes fire on cue, and because a giant walking fire-breathing robot dragon apparently isn't awesome enough for some people, it can also spew gallons of stage blood.
 
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Watch this bad boy in the clip below. The text is in German, but it doesn't matter, because giant robot dragon.
 
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